Marriage through Parenting: 8 Tips to Build and Maintain a Strong Marriage
A lot of the time when you start dating, fall in love, marry, and move in together, it’s traditional that the “next step” is to have babies. This may not be true for all and some may do things in a different order but regardless of that, the idea of “playing house” is generally very different from the reality of it.
If you have or decide to have children, among being a huge giant blessing, they are also quite frankly, a lot of work. Parenting is such an extremely hard job and no one really truly talks about that up front. Don’t get me wrong, it’s ridiculously rewarding, which is likely why the hard part is glossed over.
I’ve been lucky in love to have a partner whom I’ve chosen to do life with. He and I work hard and have been blessed with 4 precious beings we get to care for, love and laugh with.
Happy parents, happy children; try these 8 tips to build and maintain a strong marriage while parenting:
1. Take turns being strong
No one can be strong all the time, but if you tag-team and pick one another up as necessary, you’ll make it.
2. Ya get what ya give
Do you play the blame game or do you support and problem solve together? It really does make a difference. If you can give grace in others poor choices or decisions gone wrong, you can expect it in return when the pendulum inevitably swings.
3. Forgive
We are all human and do things another person may have done differently or not at all. For a marriage to survive you must forgive. We all need to continue to learn and grow and not make the same mistakes over and over, but if we want to do life with someone, we need to be there for each other as we learn. Holding a mistake over a spouses head indefinitely is a recipe for disaster long term. Truly forgive. Clean up is much easier as a team.
4. Have each other’s back
In a sometimes cruel world, we all need a safe place. You and your spouse should know without a doubt that you’re each other’s person. The safe place, the one person you can count on no matter what. The person who will be there no matter what and be at your defence the way a superhero and sidekick take on the world.
5. Home Team
You can help others be it friends or family, as much as you can or wish to, but it can never never ever be at the detriment of your own home team. Your own immediate family must always come first. Period.
6. Appreciate your spouse
Remind them that you are thankful and appreciate what they do and how they contribute to your family. Say thank you for even the little things. It goes along way.
7. Recognize the valleys and the hills
There are ebbs and flows to all relationships, that’s life. Enjoy the hills when you are on top of the world and know that the valleys are shallow and you aren’t unpacking to live there forever. There’s the emotional middle ground where you will spend most of your time. Enjoying the comfort and beauty in that will help you truly just be and find happiness together.
8. Maintain intimacy and passion (not just in the bedroom)
A giant display of passion does not have to be a kitchen counter top performance with fireworks and steamed windows. Of course it can be, if you wish, but even a simple walk along the shoreline that ends with a sweet kiss may be your passionate dream. A great display of passion may be calling a nurse into your partners hospital room when they are much needing of care. Don’t let others define what is right for you and your spouse. Things do change but that doesn’t mean they are less exciting or fun. Intimacy can come in many different ways, just don't forget about it or ignore it altogether.
Parenting is so many things, and when you and your spouse can build your marriage through the process, it’s a beautiful blessing.
Make your marriage a priority. When your marriage is strong and happy, your children will be too.
